MBH QnA Corner
Your Questions - August, 2016
My wife and I had a quarrel but it took a bitter turn when she complained to a local social service. Now as per our local law I am not even permitted to go near to my wife even though our marriage is 12 years old and we have kids.
I feel that it is injustice hammered upon me as I am unable to meet her and desperately miss my children. I desire for a reconciliation and want my family to re-unite again. Where did we go wrong in the whole process?
Answered by: Shk Zafar ul Hasan
Translated by: Nisaar Nadiadwala

How and where should You solve your Marital discords? Local Family Laws or Qur’an and Sunnah?

The Qur'an is a  perfect and a complete book in which Allah has put the solutions for every problems that will arise till the day of Qiyamah. That is why we must always remember that whenever we face any hardship, we must try to solve them in the light of Qur’an and Sunnah.

“O you who believe, Obey Allah and ObeyHis Messenger, and those who are an authority amongst you. But if you differ in any matter then refer it to Allah and His Messenger if you have believed in Allah and the Last Day.”

And this is compulsory upon every Muslim because the verse says that “If you believe in Allah and the Last day.”

But it is seen in the western countries that if there are any quarrels betweenMuslim couples they keeps aside the way of the Book and the Sunnah and rush to the local family laws which causes more damage to any chance of compromise, unity, affection and love. It also gives rise to more hatred andwidens the distance between them. Instead of building homes, it uproots them.

Instead of taking the matter to local system or the cops, it is obligatory for every Muslim to sort out his issues with the help of Qur’an and Sunnah.

In case if both of them are unaware of the Qur’anic method of sorting out their issues then Allah has guided them with an option, “Ask the person who knows” ( Surah An-Nahl)

This is a general statement but applied in all need. So if you are not aware about the solutions to your marital problems then you should approach a person who knows and get your issues solved through Islamic counseling. Note how the above verse ends with an assurance, “This will be better for you and it will be a matter of goodness.” It assures that your enmity and your differences will come to an end if sorted out with the help of a person who is well versed with the knowledge of Qur’an and Sunnah.

I would like to caution my brothers and sisters not to  take their disputes to local system and courts as it can lead you even to kufr. It is mentioned in one of the verses of Surah An-Nisa, “There are so many people who claim to be Believers but whenever there is a dispute amongst themselves they refer it to Taghut (man made system) and get a judgement from it.

What is a Taghut?

A system established by the people themselves which clashes with the Shariah, Qur'an and Hadith and yet it is accepted in spite of its clash, is called Taghoot.

Allah has set a route to improve relations that, if there arises a dispute between a husband and his wife, first give advices to each other and make them understand, then remind them the commands of Allah and caution them from disobeying Allah.  If one is not able to advise then he or she should get someone else to advise the spouse and if there is no peace even after giving advice then just separate their beds. The purpose of separating the bed is to give a chance to both of them to think and ponder over the situation. If you carefully understand the verse, “Separate their beddings”. It is said so that they may realise the pain of separation. Allah has also commanded that the beddings will still be in the same room and the husband should not drive her out of the house nor ask her to go to her parent’s place.  This is so that the wife gets a chance to apologise and reconcile with her husband. 

But in the western world, if the wife or the husband takes the matters to such places, the first thing that is implemented by their local system or law is the prohibition to meet each other whereas  Islam does not prefer a separation so that both of them get a chance to correct themselves and rejoin the ties of affection. Therefore right from the beginning if there is a separation between the spouses then the home gets destroyed instead of getting settled

This is the first clash with the command of Allah. Because, Allah says, “Do not separate them from each other”. Allah says, “That will be good for you.”

Allah does not want anyone else to interfere between a husband and the wife. In extreme case, Allah offers a solution, “Appoint an arbitrator from the wife’s side and one from the husband’s side,” a permission that now the family should get involved in the matter. During every quarrels,  efforts should be initiated between the husband and the wife to patch up and if this does not work then Allah allows the couple to take the matter out of their room, but still not to the police station, nor even to neighbours, nor friends nor relatives but refer it to the ‘Guardians’ i.e. parents.

Appoint one person from the family, says the Qur’an, “one from her family and one from his family.” It could be the fathers of both husband and wife or their paternal or maternal uncles and these two will sit togetherand sort out the dispute. If these Qur’anic methods are applied then 99 percent of the matters can be sorted out. Following what Allah has said will provide goodness and keeps a chance for a patch up but the world reversed the process and caused a ban on both to be together.

Please noteattentively what the Qur’an offers, “One person from the wife’s side and one person from the husband’s side.” Now these two will sit together and take a stock of the situation and locate where the error began from and who committed the mistake?

Allah says, “If both of them have sincerity in their heart, and would have the intention of settling the home of the husband and wife alright then Allah will cause a reconciliation between the two” Allah has promised that this is how the matter will be sorted out without the intervention of police if the issue remains only with the family members to be sorted out.

In the West, if there is a quarrel between a husband and a wife, thelocal family laws allows wife to stay in the house but husband is prohibited to come within 200 meters of the house and he cannot even pass through the street if it is within 200 meters where the wife stays. Now that both are separated, chances of a patch up has ended and  two types of devils  have come between the two, One, human devils and the other devils from Jinn. Both these devils join together and add fuel to fire increasing the severeness of fight and then results ends up with the division of children as well, either the father is deprived of his children or the mother have to go without children. Then their legal case is stretched further bygetting long due dates of thecourt- hearing because, they ignored the Qur’anic way of sorting out the dispute, “ that is better for you if you understand” and “though they were instructed to reject taghoot, yet they accepted it.”

Thus, in order to survive marital discord one must refer to the ways offered by Qur’an and Sunnah instead of local family laws.