It is a common in Indo-Pak, which many a times we hear from respected scholars too,
i.e. mother is only one\N If a wife goes then you can bring another
But you cannot get another mother.\NTherefore listen to your mother.
Although this is a very good point, we should listen to
In Hadith, in Qur’an obedience to parents is stressed upon
In fact, Allaah, the Lord of the worlds has commanded in Qur’an and Hadith, and the Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him)
too has instructed that the right of a mother is the greatest in the universe
It was asked to 'Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), the mother of the believers.
'Aisha says I asked the Prophet, “O Prophet of Allah!
Whose has the greatest right on a man?”
So, the Prophet said, “The greatest right upon a man is of his father”.
Then I asked, “And upon women?”\NHe said, “The biggest right on women is that of her husband”.
There is another Hadith. A person came to the Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him)
and asked, "Who amongst all people is most deserving of my fine treatment?"
He (peace be upon him) said, "Your mother".
He again asked, ''Who next?"
"Your mother", the Prophet (Peace be upon him) replied again.
He asked, "Who next?"
The Prophet (Peace be upon him) said again, "Your mother."
He again asked for the fourth time, "Then who?"
Thereupon He (peace be upon him) said, “Then your father." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Over here the Prophet has said that the greatest right upon men is of their mother,
in fact more than a father, thrice than a father.
And what is the reason for it?
Qur’an has pointed towards it
There are three phases through which a child passes and in these three only a mother can help the child.
No other person in the universe can help. Not even the father.
Three times are such through which every child goes through that besides a mother
no one can help in these three stages. To this point that not even a father can.
1. The state of pregnancy,
Nine months a child remains in the belly of the mother.
This whole nine months that a man passes is in the womb of the mother.
Other than the womb of his mother there is no other secured place.
As Allah said: "Then we placed it in a place of safety (womb),"
It is in various places in the Qur’an. And this is innate, every human knows this - Nine months
"His mother bears him with hardship."
And the mother does not have peace when the child is in the womb.
Do we not know how many hardships and difficulty have to be faced by the mother?
This is all correct...It is correct that mother's right is the greatest.
Because three such phases pass by that besides the mother no one be useful to the child
First state we are told the phase of pregnancy
Nine months, the initial life of the child is in the womb of the mother and never in the stomach of the father
There is no other place in the universe for him.\NAllah has made only one place.
And mother bears with pain while standing and sitting.
2. State of Delivery\N"And she brings him forth with hardship,"
The hardships of childbirth, during delivery, when a child comes into this world.
No matter how much pain. Be it a normal delivery or an operation or a small operation or a big operation.
No matter how much pain comes, only a mother endures it.
Father only stands outside to listen the good news of a son.
All relatives are in the hope of good news.
But whose soul is getting out? Whose life is in danger? Of the mother.\N"And she brings him forth with hardship,"
Allah talks about the pain at the time of the delivery. And how difficult this time is for the mother
with a chance of losing her own life? Danger to her own life, danger to her health, then danger to the safety of the child.
Imam Bukhari mentions in his famous book Adab Al-Mufrad
'Abdullah ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who was a glorious companion
went from Madinah to Makkah as a leader of the pilgrims for Hajj
The mother of a man from Yemen expressed her wish to perform her last Hajj.
The son agreed. The obedient son said okay and told his mother to get ready.
He readied his mother and was about to take her to Makkah with the intention of Hajj,
but while mounting his mother on the camel, she was unable to maintain her balance.
She was not capable of sitting on the camel. She was very feeble and old
She was so weak hence she was unable to sit on the camel
The son thought of tying his mother while making her sit on the camel so that she does not fall
But the mother was so weak that she could not bear the rope.\NShe was not at all suitable for this.
Despite this, his obedient and loyal son did not say no to her
i.e. "O Mother! What you will do remain seated at home. What is the purpose of doing Hajj? Such a weakness! Such oldness!”
The son did not say no, neither rebuked.
Finally, he mounted his mother on his shoulder and left from Yemen for Makkah with the caravan of the pilgrims.
This is the status of a mother
He carried his mother on his shoulders and went on foot because she was unable to sit on the ride
and even if she sat while tied up, she was not able to bear the pain of the rope.
But the son was fulfilling the desire of his mother.
He brought her to Mina and Muzdalifah. He made his mother complete her Hajj while carrying her on his shoulders.
In the last moments when he was performing the Tawaf, the circumambulation of Ka'bah,
leader of the pilgrims, 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar ibn Al-Khattâb was also there, sitting in a corner after performing the circumambulation.
He (Abdullah) heard the youngster who has mounted his mother on his shoulders?
And instead of doing the Dhikr, saying Subhan Allah and Alhamdu lillah,
in the state of circumambulation, while performing circumambulation he was saying:
'I am your humble camel. If her mount is frightened, I am not frightened.'
He recites just these couplets. The translation is this that
the old woman who is mounted is very blessed.
Allah has given her such a ride which does not even give her jerks
else there is no ride in this world which does not give jerks and bumps to its rider.
But that youngster was constantly reciting the couplets while carrying his mother on his shoulders.
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar ibn Al-Khattâb (Allah be pleased with him) saw this and became very angry. He ordered people to bring him (young man)
People were waiting for the youngster to complete the circumambulation of Ka'bah
and went ahead to the station of Ibrahim to make his mother offer two units of prayer,
People held him on the order of 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab
They said, “Come! Leader of the pilgrims 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar ibn Al-Khattâb is calling you.”
He lost his control but at the same time became very happy
He had an issue to ask about and today he has found a companion to ask from
He said, "Where is he sitting?" People told him, "Look there he is."
He came and said, “Abdullah!” ('Abdullah) responded, “What happened?”
He (the man) replied, “This old aged lady, the one on my shoulders is my mother.
She showed her willingness to perform Hajj in this old age
She has become so weak that if she is mounted on the camel, she falls down
Then I thought to tie her up on the back of the camel but
due to severe weakness she could bear the pain of the rope and it was feared, if tied, she might die.
It was her will. I mounted her on my shoulders and brought her from Yemen over here and made her perform Hajj.
So, the question is: "Do you think that I have repaid her rights?"
The question to you is; tell me whether I have repaid her rights or not?
Thus was the loyal child
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar ibn Al-Khattab responded
“You think you have made her perform Hajj like this, so you have repaid her?"
No, by Allah! Still you have not repaid her. I say by swearing Allah.”
"And she brings him forth with hardship,"
The pain your mother was experiencing in taking the breath at the time of the delivery
and the worry she had about your life, so, the breath she took while caring for your life during delivery,
"No, not even for a single groan."
You do not know how much the pain was caused during those moments. By Allah!
The breath your mother took on this occasion still remains unpaid for even a single breath.
My brother! This is the status of a mother
"And she brings him forth with hardship,"
Third stage of the life of a child, of every human,
where only a mother benefits and no one else, is the time of breastfeeding.
Allah has not kept this capacity in the father that he can feed his child with a sip of milk of one time.
Allah has kept this process only in the mother.
"And the bearing of him and the weaning of him is thirty months,"
Allah, the Lord of the world's said that these are the three stages where no one can avail except for the mother.
That is why the status of mother is the loftiest amongst all the mankind.
To this point, that Allah raised her status three times more than the father
on the basis of these three states
The state of pregnancy, delivery and breastfeeding.
So, the status of the mother is very lofty. One should serve and be dutiful to the mother.
But if the case is of a married woman, then Allah has enjoined upon her the biggest right as that of her husband.
Even greater than the mother.
What is the reason for it?
If Allah would have enjoined upon the married woman the biggest right of her mother then
no wonder how many times she would have had to visit her parents’ home.
Poor she! While fulfilling her mother's right, her own home would have been scattered.
Care-taking of the kids, serving the husband, looking after the husband, all these matters would have turned upside down.
That is why in order to keep the home of the husband and the woman flourished (Allah did not enjoin).
You should keep this statement in mind that
Allah, the Lord of the worlds, decided this foremost that whose right is the most? Of the mother
On every human and child the biggest right is that of a mother even bigger than the father.
But after the start of a marital life,
Allah has kept upon the wife, the girl, the biggest right of whom? Of the husband.
Only on this basis so that the home of the wife and husband remains happy.
If Allah would have kept the mother's right foremost upon a woman after the marriage
then while fulfilling mother's rights,
the rights of husband would have been ignored
And thus the home of a woman would have been uprooted. The home that flourishes due to the husband and wife.
No wonder how spoiled children would have become!
If a mother leaves the kids for serving her mother i.e. the maternal grandmother of the children,
then children will get ruined
Keeping home flourished and taking care of the kids and husband
is such a high status that Allah kept the husband's right higher rather than of the mother.
We should keep a sight on all these things. When you have comprehended all these things,
Now I come to your question. That is the learned of the Indo-Pak, Muftis, or generally a scholar or advisers
whenever there's a conflict or any dispute at home between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
and someone goes to take an advice from
a learned, a mufti, a scholar, an elder
then their foremost responsibility is not to give a ruling that take care of the mother. Leave the wife.
Why? The ruling appears very good i.e. if a wife leaves, you will find another one.
But if the mother goes then she cannot be found again.
Apparently the verdict is very good. Very nice!
In reality if a man gives divorce to the wife, or she dies, another one comes.
But after burying the mother, another mother cannot come till the Day of Judgment.
The verdict is 100% correct. But sometimes a matter appears to be very good,
but instead of the matter one should keep an eye on its results.
One should focus on its results and end.
Right of mother is definitely there. It's incumbent upon the husband to be dutiful to his mother.
But using this verdict to divorce a wife
by saying that wife can be replaced but not the mother.
After listening this, husband becomes zealous and says, "Go! We have given you divorce, separated you."
Now after this statement has been passed what is the awful result of it?
Enmity between the two families.
It is possible that hatred takes place in the heart if the husband regarding parents
I have seen many people in such case.
By Allah! Once a guy is made to give divorce he does not agrees on marrying again.
By Allah! How many cases are in front of us!
Now that guy does not agree on getting married again.
First, the parents force the guy to give divorce to the wife
They do not get at peace unless and until he gives divorce
And now they worry that the guy does not marry again.
The man thinks if I marry again it is possible that my wife faces the same end which was brought by the parents prior
as by the members of the family, same thing can happen after bringing the second wife.
He spends whole life like a scared and fearful child
After witnessing such awful scenes, and passed from such stages that his heart does not wants to get married again.
By Allah! Such incidences are in front of us in fifties. That man does not want to get married again.
The verdict was very nice but what was its result?
So, one should focus on the result
That is why the Qur’an has given us a very beautiful principle in Surah An-Nisa
No matter he is a scholar, or a mufti, a graduate, or any other
if any anyone comes to him with his problem then
he should take all aspects into consideration instead of focusing on only one...
The Qur’an said:
I seek refuge in Allaah from the cursed Satan.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
The Lord of the world’s said that when you sit together,
most of these gathering's which are meant for thinking about something, for whispering, for sharing a secret or taking advice
Then Allah says that most of these gathering have no good in them
Many gatherings, meetings that you do, conferences that you hold like table conferences, such meetings,
majority of them have no good in them
Yes, when will goodness be there? When your gatherings and meetings have three purposes
1. Meeting for giving charity, if a calamity strikes somewhere,
an accident took place, people are worried, all will gather to solve this tragedy,
to collect such and such amount of funds, then this is very good
Somewhere there is an orphan, needy, in distress by collecting charity and helping someone,
for this purpose the meeting that you hold is such that contains goodness and blessing
2. "Or Ma'ruf (Islamic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allah has ordained),"
For the good. People are falling short in doing virtue,
ignorance is prevailing in them, there is much ignorance in them,
and how this fault can be removed?
How knowledge can prevail in the nation? How people can become regular in the prayers? How virtue can be spread? How evil can be erased?
If for solving this problem
a meeting is arranged then this meeting will be known as good and blessed
3. "Or conciliation between mankind,"
Reconcile between the people
If degeneration is taking place, corruption is spreading through various forms,
at this moment Allah has commanded us of reconciling between the people
We should always be wary of reconciliation in our meetings
What should we strive for? Reconciliation.
And maybe that is why at many places in the Qur’an we are given this order
I was telling you the Verse of Surah An-Nisa'. The Verse of Surah Al-Anfal is very important
Allah commands: (Arabic Verse)\N"So fear Allah and adjust all matters of difference among you,"
My slaves fear me and end whatever discord and fights that have taken place between the people
Instead of exacerbating the fight, your responsibility is to fear Allah and settle the matters of difference among you
If in any home, fight takes place between husband and wife, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, father and son, two neighbors,
brother and brother, between two common believers,
then your role is to worry how reconciliation can be achieved between the both parties
Worry should be of correcting the matter and not corrupting it,
not of making parties, not groupism. Instead one should try to mend the relation between both
That is why Allah Akbar! I can recall a Hadith mentioned in Tirmidhi etc
How important it is. My brothers! Listen! The Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) says on this
“Shall I not tell you something that is better than the status of (voluntary) fasting, prayer and charity?”
Viewers! These three acts of worship are very important. Giving charity, praying and fasting
These are very great acts. Allah’s Prophet pointed towards all the three and mentioned:
“Shall I not tell you something that is better than the status of (voluntary) fasting, prayer and charity?”
They said: “Yes O Messenger of Allah what can be better than these!”
He said: “Reconciling in a case of discord, for the evil of discord is the shaver.”
A discord takes place between the two who fight
Removing this conflict, connecting the hearts, instilling the love, uniting them
the Prophet of Allah said that it has greater reward than your voluntary fast, prayer and charity
Then Allah gave us a much emphasized order,
# Part 26th, Surah Hujurat's last part:
This is a very big guidance for the society
Allah’s enjoins that My believer slaves! If fight takes between two believers
then your work is to reconcile between them justly
And what is justice? Come and understand this!
Justice is this that there should be no taking sides or favoring
If fight is taking place between two people, between husband and wife,
husband and wife on one side, mother-in-law and father-in-law on the other side.
Fight is of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
Now in this fight there are two men. On one side is the father of the husband and on the other side is the husband
See how tough times are these.
But what does Islam say?
No matter it is father or husband, husband's mothers matter, or of wife,
when you sit to reconcile then it should be with justice
No one's love, importance or status should make you commit injustice
The order is of two things. One is that when you sit for justice then
try to reconcile instead of saying things which end up in partisanship
We favor you and they favor them
Where partisanship comes, matter gets complicated rather than being solved
"So make reconciliation between your brothers,"
Reconcile between the both but with justice
When a man commits injustice, it is due to three reasons
Remember this! And pray that Allah allows us to act upon them
And I think if these conditions are kept then every conflict can be solved
And Allah mentioned all these three conditions in the Qur’an
1. Whenever you sit to make a ruling then
someone's love should not influence you upon committing injustice
Allah has included even your parents. Even if they are parents
and the ruling is going against them i.e.
For example, you went for reconciliation. The daughter-in-law is on the truth
And on the other hand are her mother-in-law and father-in-law
It is obvious, that if a man comes or the matter comes in front of the son,
when one side is his wife and on the other side are his parents
Now, the love of parents is present in every person especially when they are in old age
Their love and respect dominates the issue
Allah said that be cautious while giving the rights of others and during a reconciliation
someone's affection, love, power and dignity
should not become an obstacle. Talk justly even if it goes against yourself or your parents
That is why the Qur’an has strictly prohibited it
2. Factors that become a hindrance in the path of acting justly is
hatred and enmity towards someone
And this happens nowadays
If sometimes, a case comes before us we take it as a good opportunity to take out enmity and hatred
Now, instead of reconciling, speaking the truth,
joining the people, one utters a statement which helps in pampering one's own anger
Allah has strictly ordered:
Even if the person before you is a non-muslim
and the truth is with him then
be warned that nobody's enmity should make you incline towards injustice
Allah Akbar! This is our Islam, our Qur’an, our guidance and instructions
If two people come before you
One is a Muslim and the other a non-Muslim
but he has the truth on his side then Allah says that a Muslim should not care for a Muslim
If he has to do justice then the truth should be sided with the Hindu
Allah has kept a lot of blessing in it
It is said, before the division of the subcontinent,
truly till justice remained with Muslims of the subcontinent, their status was exemplary
When we left this instruction, look what is our state!
In British times, a conflict rose in a certain place of Muzaffar Nagar
Till this day Muzaffar Nagar is a famous city, near Delhi, UP
Muslims usurped the land and decided to build a Mosque
The Hindus came immediately and created an obstruction and
claimed that it was their land and would not allow construction of a mosque on it
The Muslims said “we will definitely make it”
When the conflict became intense, the case was petitioned in the court of British
After filing the case the Britishers decided to reconcile between the two parties as they were neighbors
The Britishers asked the Muslims to tell if there was any
Hindu, Sikh, Buddhist or Muslim or any person in the entire neighborhood whose
decision you would accept
The Muslims said, “No! In our sight there is no such person.“
Then the Britishers asked the Hindus if there was any person in their
neighborhood who if comes to pass a verdict and
they would accept his judgment
With a single voice, the Hindus said there is an old Muslim
in some neighborhood, Mian Muslim, of whose decision we will accept it
Allah Akbar! The Hindus took the name of a Muslim
Anyways, the Britishers sent the police to bring that elderly man
When police went to him and said to him, “You are called by the court over a dispute.”
The elderly man resisted and refused to go along with the police. The Police insisted much but he kept refusing their order.
When asked, "Why you do not want to go?" He said, "I have vowed and swore that
till I am alive and can see, I won't see any Britisher
Because the Britishers conquered our land,
killed many scholars, destroyed our mosques, shut down our centers-hence, I will not see such a cursed nation."
Police returned to the judge and told about man, to which extent he is a staunch Muslim
The judge told the police to bring him to just decide the case without looking at the Britishers
After much insisting, the elderly man came
When he reached near to the court and saw the British judge
he turned his back towards the judge and turned his face against him
He walked reverse. The Britishers being at his back and in front,
the Hindus on one side and on the other, the Muslims
The judge called out: "Your enmity is so sheer so how will you accept our decision
on this issue? Thus, you yourself decide."
He asked, "What is the matter?" The judge told that this is the land
which your Muslims claim that it is theirs and want to construct a Mosque over it
While the Hindus claim it is their land
You decide. The elderly man said,
"Since my childhood I have always seen the
hold of the Hindus on this land and never witnessed the hold of the Muslims over it."
As soon as this was said, before the judge would have given the decision,
all the Hindus screamed and proclaimed,
Their Religion is so just!
We all accept Islam and commit this land to an endowment
while we, ourselves will construct a Mosque over it."
This decision, to this day is recorded in British journals
That with just one justful decision of an old man of Muzaffar Nagar, the Hindus of the whole town accepted Islam.
We say, that what the Lord of the worlds has said,
whenever we sit for reconciliation, then we shouldn't say such statements
i.e. "One gets mother only once and never again. Leave the wife and dispel her
Bring a second wife." which ruins the home
Instead of saying in this rude manner,
one should speak in order to create understanding and reconciliation
If with justice a Hindu can become a Muslim then can't spouses reconcile?
This is such a big thing. Just think! With just one just decision,
a Hindu became a Muslim and left his ancestral religion
Then if our domestic fights are addressed with sincerity then can't they be solved?
The Lord of the worlds has promised in Surah An-Nisa:
“If they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation." (Arabic Verse)
If both spouses are sincere and worry for reconciliation in the domestic disputes
then Allah, due to the blessing of their decision, will cause reconciliation between the two
So, the need is of this
3. The factor which becomes a barrier in the way of justice,
the talk has gone long, but we would like to tell the viewers.
Three things obstruct the way of justice; someone's love,
and third thing mentioned by Qur’an is someone's kindness and compassion
How is that? How that compassion? By Allah, if we would have time, we would have told how beautiful teaching Qur’an has given.
Allah said that see if any dispute/matter comes to you regarding any beggar, needy
or an orphan
on one hand is a rich person, who has provision, who eats and drinks,
high profile and on the other hand is an orphan whose father Allah took away,
a poor, in need of a single penny, hungry.
You have two persons before you. One hand is a millionaire, billionaire and trillionaire
and on the other hand is an orphan and needy
If you have a human heart then instantly you will develop compassion for
that poor, orphan, beggar, needy,
sick, and distressed human
But what is the difficulty in front of you?
The truth is with the rich
He is a king. He has no deficit of anything. But the truth is with him
Here an orphan, beggar and needy is. From every angle he is in need of compassion
Now Allah's says that when you decide then rely on the truth. Do justice if it is against that orphan and needy
The compassion of that poor, needy and beggar
should not overpower your heart
to make you get inclined to injustice
Allah says that do not worry about compassion with them
Worry for my command of doing justice
I will be more compassionate to them than you and I am their Caretaker
So my brothers,
if we keep all this in front of us while deciding
then reconciliation will take place without any partisanship and injustice.
Instead we should see,
if a person brings in front of us a case of his wife saying
that his mother and wife do not get along,
neither his sisters with his wife,
Wife too is sharp tongued and the mother too is not ready to bear,
This does not means we say divorce the wife as new one
can be possible but one cannot get the parents
Instead of this why cannot we say that
mother should be lenient and wife too should be patient
and both together can achieve it?
This too can be said that Islam has given both of you the right
of living separately if one cannot get along with the parents, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law
This is not forbidden
Fights, giving divorce and ruining homes is condemned
It is better you stay separate, while living separately you can give the rights of the parents
and on the same hand can keep your children and home happy
Instead of speaking (wrongly) we should speak words of understanding.
Like this statement appears very good but I have said to look at the consequences
before passing such statements
If our sight is on the consequences then such decision won't be made
Yes! If a rare matter comes of
either keeping the wife or the mother
then in this case definitely the mother will be given preference.
But on the condition that there remains no chance
despite keeping them separate
If parents are upset on the basis of religious, legal weakness
then this will be relied upon.
If their displeasure is on the basis of illegal and illogical reason
then it won't be relied upon.
May Allah gives us the ability to speak and understand the truth
and forever gives us the ability to solve the matter and save from partisanship, injustice,
and deviation from the justice.