Marriage counsellors are having the busiest time because of the increase in family problems. If you search Google for Top 10 Marital Problems you will discover 100s. Here is a list of the top 10 common marital problems which is global.
- Domestic violence: Men who are aggressive at home and count their anger as a manhood pride must consider this. Among the most human characteristics of the Prophet (peace be upon him) was that he never hit a child, a woman or a servant.
The final sermon of the Prophet at Aarfa on the day of Hajj included,
‘I caution you to treat women kindly and they have rights over you as you have rights over them.’
- Unrealistic expectations: Marriages do have not a fairy tale-type ending, ‘ And they lived happily ever after.’ Even a rich husband can pass through financial calamity and a beautiful wife can put on enough weight. There can be peace even in a small house of one room, kitchen and disputes in villas. So do not get carried away with what Allah has given others to test them.
- Lack of communication: The Keyboards and their smileys have replaced vocal communications and many couples do not even find it okay to call and talk to each other.
Allah has declared that:
He taught him eloquent speech.
(Surah Al-Rahman 55:4)
- Mutual cooperation: Among the most common marriage issues, one is a lack of mutual cooperation between the spouses. Each one wants to grab his or her rights but is not interested in giving the rights of a spouse. Allah has commanded clearly,
وَتَعَاوَنُواْ عَلَى ٱلۡبِرِّ وَٱلتَّقۡوَىٰۖ وَلَا تَعَاوَنُواْ عَلَى ٱلۡإِثۡمِ وَٱلۡعُدۡوَٰنِۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ شَدِيدُ ٱلۡعِقَابِ
Help you one another in Al-Birr and At-Taqwa (virtue, righteousness and piety); but do not Help one another in sin and transgression. and fear Allah. Verily, Allah is Severe in punishment.
(Surah Al Maida 5:2)
- Financial crisis: A majority of marriage problems are raised during recession and unemployment. Survey says that divorces increase during such period. Qur’an shows a way out of this crisis so work on Taqwa during the crisis and get help from Allah.
وَمَن يَتَّقِ ٱللَّهَ يَجۡعَل لَّهُۥ مَخۡرَجٗا - وَيَرۡزُقۡهُ مِنۡ حَيۡثُ لَا يَحۡتَسِبُۚ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلۡ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسۡبُهُ
And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him.
(Surah Talaq 65:2-3)
- Infidelity: Affairs in offices, travel and social media have caused more marriage issues in the community. In falling to temptation people do not realise that it destroys the family. That's why Allah has forbidden zina in secret and in public.
وَلَا تَقۡرَبُواْ ٱلزِّنَىٰٓۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ فَٰحِشَةٗ وَسَآءَ سَبِيلٗا
And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him).
(Surah Isra - 17:32)
- Interference of inlaw: Mothers from both sides should let their children develop their own love and understanding instead of hammering their own views and ego-based opinions. In the Indo-Pak subcontinent, such interference is very common.
- Shocking shortcomings: Only after a few months of marriage do spouses discover shortcomings of each other and many of them refuse to continue because of it and some just drag causing a casualty of mutual love. It is only Allah who is perfect and praying for the spouse is a command from the Qur’an,
وَٱلَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبۡ لَنَا مِنۡ أَزۡوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعۡيُنٖ وَٱجۡعَلۡنَا لِلۡمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqun"
Surah Al Furqan 25:74
- Childcare issues: In a time when spouses are busy earning and return home tired, children loiter around like orphans. When they get spoiled, the couples blame each other and this is wrong. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,
حَدَّثَنَا عَارِمٌ، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا حَمَّادُ بْنُ زَيْدٍ، عَنْ أَيُّوبَ، عَنْ نَافِعٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عُمَرَ قَالَ: قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم: كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ، وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْؤولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، فَالأَمِيرُ رَاعٍ وَهُوَ مَسْؤُولٌ، وَالرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عَلَى أَهْلِهِ وَهُوَ مَسْؤُولٌ، وَالْمَرْأَةُ رَاعِيَةٌ عَلَى بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا وَهِيَ مَسْؤُولَةٌ، أَلاَ وَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ، وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْؤُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ.
Ibn 'Umar reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, "All of you are shepherds and each of you is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the people of his house and he is responsible. A woman is the shepherd of the house of her husband and she is responsible. Each of you is a shepherd and each is responsible for his flock."
Adab Al Mufrad: 212
- Lack of Religious Counseling: Deen helps to sort out our many issues. Most of the counsellors are not knowledgeable about religious guidance and they fail to give sound and applicable advice as per the Quran and Sunnah.
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