I received a proposal through a relative and we were allowed to know each other. After knowing, I approved of this guy to get married to as his character pleased me. When my family started further enquiring they found his income was not comfortable to them and they declared that he wouldn't be able to keep me happy. And this has disturbed me really. I mean I found all that I needed, Alhamdulillah, I said 'yes'. I really want to marry this guy but family is totally against it.
Allah is The source of provider. Do I have no right to get married to who I want to get married to in terms of shariah or should I obey my mother and my folks.
I had discussed with him of me observing niqaab and he was happy with it. When I asked him of what kind of spouse he prefers to have or he expects out of her to which he only said he liked someone one who supports him in good and bad. He was calm, sweet, understanding and craves to learn Islam more.
My choice is this guy and I dont want to look further to any proposals. I tried convincing my family but instead they went on to disgracing me that I'm supporting the guy. I feel so low. Please help me...
Translated by: Nisaar Nadiadwala
Alhamdulillah, Wassalatu Wassalam Ala Rasulillah
There are two parts of this question. Firstly, the girl, the boy and their families agreed for the marriage, but the hurdle is his income. Is less income of the groom an approved reason for the rejection of a proposal?
Allah has announced very clearly in the Qur'an: If the proposal is sound but poverty is attached to it, then Allah will enrich them out of his own generosity as a blessing towards the wedding.
Secondly, there is a famous authentic hadith that quotes the Prophet, peace be upon him: A woman is selected (for marriage) for four reasons, her wealth, her beauty, her lineage and her religion. Therefore, if you want to marry, prefer a religious girl.
Another hadith similar to this hadith, (Sunan Tirmidhi and Abu Dawood) states: When a person with sound religion and character sends a proposal for your daughter, accept the proposal. If you reject such a proposal, there will be a big fitnah spread on the earth as well as tribulation engulfing the society.
The phrase ''fazawwijuhu'' - then get her married to him, is highly emphasized. The above two hadith teaches us to give priority to Deen and character over beauty, wealth and lineage. The result for rejecting a pious person's proposal can be a source of widespread obscenity and fornication in the society.
Today, a man who is not earning good cannot be termed as permanently poor because nobody can guarantee what tomorrow holds. In fact, Allah has firmly said in Surah Luqman, that nobody knows what tomorrow has stored for him. Today's rich can be tomorrow's poor and similarly, yesterday's poor can grow rich tomorrow. In other verse, He states: Thus, We keep circulating the wealth among the people. That is why it is not permitted to reject a proposal on the basis of the income of the boy. So I appeal to the parents of the girl not to reject the proposal if the boy is not earning very good.
The second part of the question is: Does the guardian of the girl have an authority to reject the proposal of the boy who fits in their criteria of looks, religion and family but his income does not satisfy them, even though the girl likes the boy?
According to the shariah, a girl cannot marry without the consent of her wali (guardian). The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: A girl cannot marry without the consent of her guardian.
Another hadith quotes the Prophet, peace be upon him: If a lady marries without the consent of her wali, her nikah is not valid, her nikah is not valid, her nikah is not valid.
Another Hadith too quotes the Prophet, peace be upon him: A lady who marries without the consent of her wali, has committed zina (adultery). Based upon these hadith, majority of the fuqaha has said that in such cases it not allowed for the girl to go ahead and marry man of her choice on her own.
However, the question arises that what the ruling is if there is a disagreement between the girl and her guardian over the choice of a groom? I have two things to state:
1. If the girl is sound in her understanding, and she likes a boy whose proposal had reached her through her own parents, who too had preferred the boy but later they rejected the proposal on the basis of his less income, then it is not advisable for the parents to force the girl to reject the proposal. Rather they should allow the girl to think over and decide by herself if she wants to go ahead and marry the boy.
2. Does the guardian have an authority to force his daughter into marrying a boy against her wish or reject a boy without any Islamic reason?
The answer goes like this: The proposal should be accepted upon the agreement of the girl as well as her guardian. Disputes should be avoided. But according to the above mentioned Qur'anic verse, it is advisable for the parents that they should go ahead and get the daughter married to the boy. Instead of the girl initiating on her own, the guardian should take the lead and get the nikah done because it is the girl who has to live her life. We are observing a surge in fitnah of affairs in society because many girls were forced to marry against their wishes.
And Allaah knows best.