My wife doesn’t want to have children right now or even in the coming year. She is passionate to work in her profession. However, as everyone aspires to be father, I also want to be a father. My wife is a good person but cries that I am putting pressure on her and I don’t want to see her crying as well.
I don't know how to reach a common ground or handle this issue smoothly.
Translated by: Nisaar Nadiadwala
Praise be to Allaah.
In Islamic understanding, having children is encouraged. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) appreciated the women who are the sources of good upbringing of children and produce more children.
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said, “Marry the one who is loving and prolific (could bear many children), for I will be proud of your large numbers before the nations.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2050; al-Nasaa’i, 3227; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
Similarly there is another Hadith, Ka’ab (r.a.) narrated that he heard from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), “Should I not inform you about those men from you who will be more in numbers in Jannah?”
The Companions replied, “O Messenger of Allah! Why not?”
He continued, “The men who will be in Jannah will be the Prophets, the Siddiqs, children who died before reaching the age of puberty, a man who stays in one end of a city but he travels to the other end of the city to meet his Muslim brother, just for pleasing Allah.”
Then he asked, “Should I inform you about the women who will be in Jannah?”
The companions replied, O Messenger of Allah! Why Not?”
He continued, “ Those women who are extremely affectionate, (This is because a woman who is loving towards her children and her husband is highly valued in the house and also causes to be a source of peace and comfort), who are fertile enough to produce more children, those who turn to husbands after being upset over any reason and try to please him, (instead of responding her husband’s anger with equal anger but will try to cool the matters) up to the extent that if her husband is not ready to cool, she will throw herself in the arms of her husband and say, “By Allah I will not eat till you get pleased with me”
These are the women who will be in Jannah. Thus we come to know that children are a considered to be a huge blessing from Allah and there should be no hindrance nor any dispute about this matter.
Secondly, Allah has declared the obedience towards husband to be obligatory upon wives. It is necessary for her that her husband’s choice, his likes and dislikes should be on her list of priority. That is why the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said, “If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter Paradise by whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish." Narrated by Ahmad (1664) and others; classed as hasan by al-Albaani
This is on the basis of her giving her husband choices a priority over hers and obeying him.
Now with regards to a woman’s desire of delaying to have children due to jobs, then you must know that jobs are from permitted acts but obedience to husband is obligatory. Whenever there is a clash between an act that is permitted and one that is obligatory, then the one which is obligatory should be given a pick. This is the rule of Shariah.
Now as a wife you may want to delay for two three years and continue to work and it is permitted but the choice of your husband has to be given a priority. It is essential for you to obey him. Islamically a woman has no right to refuse it.
But if the husband and wife both agrees mutually to delay having children we cannot call it haram. It may be counted as Permitted and ‘Mubah’ yet we would say it is better that they go for children. It is not recommended to go into dispute with your husband over this issue. It is better that you sacrifice your choice over the choice of your husband. But if you are able to convice him to agree happily, then it is allowed for you to delay children.
And Allaah knows best.